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Thursday, November 15th, 2007
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9:50 pm - So ... much ... stuff!!
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Wow so I haven't updated since September. A LOT of stuff has happened since then. I think it is best summarized in a ranked list.
1. Quit the lab in August.
2. Got into confrontation with my adviser after quitting the lab.
3. Master's thesis gets scrapped by embittered former adviser.
4. Indulge in freedom from my adviser, who at times shows up as the subject of my nightmares. Freedom lasts for exactly one month.
5. Michael gets a puppy. Era of freedom ends.
6. We have one month to find a new place because our apartment doesn't permit pets.
7. Hate my boyfriend for one month -- during which, we find a new place. Spend all our free time packing.
8. Move to our new place. Almost tip over the unloaded U-haul as we back it up onto an incline. I freak out. Nearby pizza place employees help push the U-haul onto its back wheel, which was off the ground.
9. Spend all our free time unpacking.
10. Run off to Hanover, NH to visit Dartmouth and meet other women alumnae. Get pulled over by a state trooper for driving my rental car too slow (70 in a 65 -- who knew??). Meet up with some dear friends -- my former boss, Susan; my former creative writing instructor, Ernie; and my dreamy '05 friend Eric. Freeze my ass off.
11. Get back to Seattle where I immediately begin working on my bestselling novel and attain infinite fame. Haha RIIIIGHT .... maybe once the puppy stops eating the cat poop.
In less than a month though I am off to Arizona where many adventures await me!!
And hey look -- one of the articles I wrote is front page this week!
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| Sunday, September 16th, 2007
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4:33 pm - Weekend Update
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Working backwards:
1) Softball game got canceled, although the fields were apparently fine. The refs jumped the gun on calling the games.
2) Watched the Seahawks lose to the Cardinals, 23-20. Say what you want about Shaun Alexander, but I was impressed he was playing with a cast over his left arm. I think he should talk to Stephen Colbert to help promote the infamous Wristrong Campaign
3) Went to church this morning for the first time in several weeks. Twas satisfying.
4) Yesterday evening I went on an adventure with my new friend and former student, John. He's a real sweetheart, and, in many ways, reminds me of myself at an earlier age. We went to Capital Hill where we ate dinner at Thai Go! and stopped at QFC, where I got him a $1 potted plant (pansies) as a housewarming gift, since he just moved into the U-district. We had a nice conversation for the entire 3.5 hours that we hung out. One of the highlights was our discussion on spam -- the unidentifiable meat product, not the mail:
Me: "Have you ever eaten spam?"
John: "No."
Me: "People in Hawaii really love spam."
John: "Yeah, someone told me that they like the salty flavor."
Me, laughing: "WHAT?? Because of saltiness? Who told you that?"
John: "Oh."
Me, still laughing: "It's a military thing! When troops are stationed somewhere, they distribute spam. Other tropical islands like spam too."
John: "I'll have to tell my friend that they're an idiot."
I also enjoyed his story about how he accidentally maced himself in the eyes.
5) Yesterday, I helped paint the new office space for NuWire (the company I work for as a staff writer). 'Twas only supposed to take a few hours out of the morning, but ended up taking an entire day. As I was painting a big glob of paint managed to land right in my eye, which was kind of scary. It didn't hurt so badly ... luckily the consistency of the paint wasn't too acidic. I laughed about it as I was washing it out of my eyeball furiously.
Me: "Geez, what were the chances of getting paint in my eye? Especially since I'm asian!"
I don't think anyone really got the joke.
6) I've been up to my eyeballs in too much fun. I really need to start taking it easy, and working on my dumb master's thesis. UGH.
EDIT: My dog in Hawaii was put to sleep yesterday. I've taken the time to cry and grieve, and now I feel okay enough to move forward. RIP, Pearl. I love you.
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| Friday, August 10th, 2007
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11:02 pm - Boredom and Burned Bridges
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So bored on a Friday night.
Who thought that would be possible??
Well, it's true. Right now I'm stalking people on the internet, trying to expand my PR. And now I'm at the point of actually writing a blog out of boredom. It's that bad.
Not So Friendly Anymore
I've been thinking about my social life a lot, or rather, the lack thereof. I feel like I've gotten really shy over the past year, like something has fundamentally changed. Well I guess this might coincide with around the time I started dating Michael, which was a dramatic lifestyle change all around. I admit, since then I've become somewhat of a homebody. Also, Mike has a very quiet personality and I have the feeling that it might have rubbed off on me a little (along with some fun attributes, like a better sense of humor). Sometimes I wonder if I have a personality anymore. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
I wonder if this has anything to do with Seattle culture, if maybe I've gotten sucked into the introverted personality of the collective masses. This somewhat disturbs me. I love Seattle, but I would like to be able to have conversations with people and not have to constantly worry about offending someone or making situations any more awkward than they already are. And why do I feel the constant pressure to be witty / charming / entertaining?? And to constantly ask questions all the time, so that the conversation doesn't lose steam?? Ugh, this is making me exhausted just thinking about it. Why do I bother trying to talk to people at all???
(Dammit, the awkward stage was supposed to be done with after middle/high school! Why the hell am I experiencing it again?)
I also have noticed that I have a much easier time making male friends/acquaintances than female ones. This is possibly due to my own partiality (ooh, Beth, I said it!). I am always pretty apprehensive upon entering into conversations with other women my age that I don't know. It's always about giving compliments, and it feels damn insincere. And I hate small talk -- wait let me try that again -- I HATE small talk! It probably also doesn't help that I'm competitive and have tended to view some women my age as rivals at first. That's a real great way to make friends. :-p
You know part of it is that I gave up on trying so hard to be damn NICE to people all the time. I've always wanted to be liked -- who doesn't? But I'm too old to go bouncing around acting excited about everything. (Although alcohol helps bring out that more happy-go-lucky personality every once in a while.) I find that guys are much easier to talk to, especially when it's completely platonic. There's just not the same set of expectations surrounding the conversation. I don't have to raise my voice several octaves higher. I don't have to give superficial compliments. I feel like I have more room to be myself.
Where did all the friendships go?
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| Monday, July 23rd, 2007
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12:23 am - Argh!
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Grading papers is an endless slog through horrible, horrible writing. I can't get through reading one without putting it down in disbelief and pacing around the room, disturbed by how many ways people can write so BADLY. It's so discouraging, to think that the education system is failing to produce students who can put together a grammatically correct sentence, much less communicate themselves effectively at all!
Don't get me wrong, I usually enjoy editing and critiquing, but this is just getting ridiculous. Sometimes I just want to quit taking the time to make comments and corrections (and it's a LOT of time), because what is the point? All anyone cares about these days is the grade. Sometimes I am so tempted to just mark a big fat F on the very front. The distribution of grades would look something like this: 5% A's, 5% B's, 20% C's, 50% D's, 20% F's . Harsh? If you saw the quality of these papers, you wouldn't think so. I think it would be a pretty refreshing wakeup call, TBQH.
Time for bed. I'm going to have nightmares about this, I know it.
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| Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
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3:49 pm - Friendships
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I've been pondering the topic of friendship a lot lately. I feel like the word "friend" has taken on such a casual connotation ... hearing about news through a friend, meeting through a mutual friend, making friends on the internet. As abundant as all these "friends" may seem, lasting friendship seems so rare.
What is true friendship, anyways? What is it based on? There are people who make enjoyable company -- they share something in common, make us laugh, come to our parties -- but is that all it takes? Sometimes I wonder if I'm not entertaining enough, not "social" enough to have many lasting friendships. I buy gifts and send cards to show people I appreciate them, but many times the gestures are never returned. I used to get bitter, believing that I was always underappreciated. Now I've come to realize that I've been looking at it all wrong -- I was taking something positive and turning it into a negative.
I believe that true friendship begins with kindness. I always loved how "kin" is the root word of being "kind" -- in that sense, kindness means treating other people like family. I am trying to open myself up to the idea that everyone is extended family to me, and it is helping me to practice kindness and compassion without prejudice. I'm also learning to free myself from the expectation of reciprocity -- I want to give because I like to give, not because I want anything back. This has made me wiser about the people in my life -- there are many people who are great to have around, but few who I think I may be able to count on in the long run.
I'm currently having a friend issue. In just a week, a friend of mine will be returning from abroad. I found this out from a third party, and not from the primary source. I felt excited at first, but also hurt that she didn't tell me herself, especially when I had sent her an email just a couple weeks ago (and no reply). I started writing her another email, but when I recognized that I felt some bitterness in my heart, I stopped.
I think the problem is, I've put her on a pedestal and have been aggressively pursuing this friendship as a result. It's not a nice feeling when you suddenly get the sense that you're not being met halfway. And I've always been jealous of her best friend, whose prominence in her life consistently makes me feel less important. I guess this isn't the first time that I've felt like a "secondary" friend. I haven't talked with her about this yet, but I think I have more courage now to approach her honestly.
Once again, I think this is all about expectations. I'm trying to quit the habit of making people "fit" into certain friendship categories in my life. All I can do is be there with an open heart -- in other words, be the kind of friend I want to be.
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